Tuesday, August 03, 2004
ILLINOIS GOP VETTING CANDIDATES FOR SENATE RACE
By Tweed
It seems like a never-ending saga - like the Thornbirds or Roots. Except its funny - very funny. Illinois republicans were dealt a set-back not long ago when their nominee to run against Democrat Super Star Barack Obama, Jack Ryan, withdrew from the race after his wife's allegations that he wanted to have sex with her in public in New York, New Orleans and Paris sex clubs became public. (See LB in 04' June 24 Post.) While we at LB in 04' do not see anything wrong with Mr. Ryan's behavior, after all, Jeri Ryan is . . . well. . . we'll leave that one to your imagination - anyway; the long and the short of it is that he's gone and the GOP is searching for a replacement.
We at LB in 04' have made some suggestions in the past - Heidi Fleiss, Annie Oakley, Big Jim Thorpe and Jimmy Page, to be precise. While some ridiculed our suggestions, we think they were quite in line with the Illinois GOP's thoughts on the subject - Mike Ditka and Ted Nuggent.
Given the conceptual commensurability between the editors of LB in 04' and the Illinois GOP, we've decided to offer up a final slate of hopefuls for the GOP:
1. Dave Gravis: Gravis is a Vietnam War veteran, Bronze Star recipient and ran, unsuccessfully, to replace Governor Gray Davis when that Governor was recalled in California. Gravis looks a lot like Davis, particularly without his mustache.
Will Dave Gravis Win This One?
2. Wade Boggs: Boggs, a gold-glove third baseman, great contact hitter, a decent pitcher when need arises and recipient of the Dave Gravis mustache would be a good choice. Not only would he be solid in the line-up - say a number 2 or 6 hitter - his appeal to women has been established, having had both a wife and girlfriend at the same time. Not only that, he is nearly a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame.
Boggs: Can he Match Wits with the Likes of Joe Biden?
3. Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: Apu is a hard working immigrant - and minority to boot! What better foil to the son of immigrants than an immigrant himself!? Not only is Apu a self-made man, but also, he is a deeply religious man, though not a zealot. He is a family man and is ready to wield a weapon in defense of his business. What better candidate could there be?
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By Tweed
It seems like a never-ending saga - like the Thornbirds or Roots. Except its funny - very funny. Illinois republicans were dealt a set-back not long ago when their nominee to run against Democrat Super Star Barack Obama, Jack Ryan, withdrew from the race after his wife's allegations that he wanted to have sex with her in public in New York, New Orleans and Paris sex clubs became public. (See LB in 04' June 24 Post.) While we at LB in 04' do not see anything wrong with Mr. Ryan's behavior, after all, Jeri Ryan is . . . well. . . we'll leave that one to your imagination - anyway; the long and the short of it is that he's gone and the GOP is searching for a replacement.
We at LB in 04' have made some suggestions in the past - Heidi Fleiss, Annie Oakley, Big Jim Thorpe and Jimmy Page, to be precise. While some ridiculed our suggestions, we think they were quite in line with the Illinois GOP's thoughts on the subject - Mike Ditka and Ted Nuggent.
Given the conceptual commensurability between the editors of LB in 04' and the Illinois GOP, we've decided to offer up a final slate of hopefuls for the GOP:
1. Dave Gravis: Gravis is a Vietnam War veteran, Bronze Star recipient and ran, unsuccessfully, to replace Governor Gray Davis when that Governor was recalled in California. Gravis looks a lot like Davis, particularly without his mustache.
Will Dave Gravis Win This One?
2. Wade Boggs: Boggs, a gold-glove third baseman, great contact hitter, a decent pitcher when need arises and recipient of the Dave Gravis mustache would be a good choice. Not only would he be solid in the line-up - say a number 2 or 6 hitter - his appeal to women has been established, having had both a wife and girlfriend at the same time. Not only that, he is nearly a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame.
Boggs: Can he Match Wits with the Likes of Joe Biden?
3. Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: Apu is a hard working immigrant - and minority to boot! What better foil to the son of immigrants than an immigrant himself!? Not only is Apu a self-made man, but also, he is a deeply religious man, though not a zealot. He is a family man and is ready to wield a weapon in defense of his business. What better candidate could there be?
