Thursday, August 12, 2004
JUSTICE LEAGUE'S SUPPORT FOR WAR IN IRAQ WANING
By Tweed
Administration officials have been feverishly neogtiating with the Justice League to shore-up the support of the SuperFriends for the US effort in Iraq. The effort is needed due to both a perceived and real erosion of Super Support.
"We've been having discussions with high ranking members of the Justice League," said a high ranking member of the Bush administration. "We're working hard to make this work."
Justice League Negotiators were Said to be
Unimpressed with Rumsfeld's Battle Plans
Some of the effort has taken the form of a reshuffling of deployments. Aqua Man, the Flash and the Green Lantern are all being considered for redoployment.
"Aqua Man's ability to communicate with fish has been of invaluable service in the arrid dessert of Iraq," said the official. "We now want him to move off-shore, to help contain rogue elements of Sadam's Navy."
The Flash and the Green Lantern Consider Their Redeployment
LB in 04' reporters have discovered preliminary plans that would put Super Man near Najaf, heading-up the SuperFriends efforts, with support from the Green Lantern and Batman in Bagdad.
Some controversy has sparked, however, over the SuperFriends' desire to deploy Wonder Woman to Iraq. "We need to be sensative to the cultural issues here," said one administrative official, "and sending the one woman you don't fuck with to a male dominated society may not be the right move. Also, she's really hot."
A refusal by the administration to deploy Wonder Woman could spark a controversy. The Bush administration previously refused her offer of service in Afgahnastan two years ago. Wonder Woman accepted the move but generated publicity by complaining about the government's unequal treatment of women.
Wonder Woman: Won't Stand for
Being Just Another Rosie the Riveter
Additional problems have arisen. Batman has threatened to pull out of the coalition, while remaining a member of the Justic League, unless more authority is granted to the Justice League over the future of Iraq. And Super Man is rumored to be harboring a similar sentiment.
In response to Bat Man's and Super Man's reticence, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfled became dismissive of the long-time protectors of truth, justice and the American way: "These are the old Super Friends, with tired ideas; we're very happy to have the support of the newest Super Friends - Solovar, Light Ray, Forager and others - to help in our efforts. Who needs the man of steel, with his x-ray vision and all that when Solovar can give us super gorilla strength?"
Will Super Gorilla Strength be Enough to Stop the Baathists?
Other members of the Defense Department have been less sure of the future. One senior Pentagon official complained that while Light Ray's ability to fly is a net positive to the coalition, "he doesn't bring much else to the table besides his boyish charm. I'd be a lot happier with Super Man on my flank." Other officials have pointed out other deficiencies in the newer Super Friends abilities: "Take the new Green Lantern - he has to recharge his green lantern power every twenty-four hours; and he can't do that without the Guardians; and who the hell knows what those guys are thinking." The Guardians have been guarded about their continued participation.
The Guardians: Their Pull Out Could Have a Domino Effect
Negotiations with the Justic League have been difficult. "Every time we start winning a point, one of the Wonder Twins turns into a wave and gets us all wet - we have to redo all the paper work; and we've taken to keeping extra mops handy. The other one turns into a bear or something and we have to shoot it with a tranqualizer. This is rough."
Despite these set backs, the President has remained up-beat. "We will have the support of a large array of super-heroes. And if not all of our friends who we're usually friendly with in the Justice League are not going to help in the war, then their there and we're here, you know? So, resolve is what must . . . we . . . to win we're resolute."
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By Tweed
Administration officials have been feverishly neogtiating with the Justice League to shore-up the support of the SuperFriends for the US effort in Iraq. The effort is needed due to both a perceived and real erosion of Super Support.
"We've been having discussions with high ranking members of the Justice League," said a high ranking member of the Bush administration. "We're working hard to make this work."
Justice League Negotiators were Said to be
Unimpressed with Rumsfeld's Battle Plans
Some of the effort has taken the form of a reshuffling of deployments. Aqua Man, the Flash and the Green Lantern are all being considered for redoployment.
"Aqua Man's ability to communicate with fish has been of invaluable service in the arrid dessert of Iraq," said the official. "We now want him to move off-shore, to help contain rogue elements of Sadam's Navy."
The Flash and the Green Lantern Consider Their Redeployment
LB in 04' reporters have discovered preliminary plans that would put Super Man near Najaf, heading-up the SuperFriends efforts, with support from the Green Lantern and Batman in Bagdad.
Some controversy has sparked, however, over the SuperFriends' desire to deploy Wonder Woman to Iraq. "We need to be sensative to the cultural issues here," said one administrative official, "and sending the one woman you don't fuck with to a male dominated society may not be the right move. Also, she's really hot."
A refusal by the administration to deploy Wonder Woman could spark a controversy. The Bush administration previously refused her offer of service in Afgahnastan two years ago. Wonder Woman accepted the move but generated publicity by complaining about the government's unequal treatment of women.
Wonder Woman: Won't Stand for
Being Just Another Rosie the Riveter
Additional problems have arisen. Batman has threatened to pull out of the coalition, while remaining a member of the Justic League, unless more authority is granted to the Justice League over the future of Iraq. And Super Man is rumored to be harboring a similar sentiment.
In response to Bat Man's and Super Man's reticence, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfled became dismissive of the long-time protectors of truth, justice and the American way: "These are the old Super Friends, with tired ideas; we're very happy to have the support of the newest Super Friends - Solovar, Light Ray, Forager and others - to help in our efforts. Who needs the man of steel, with his x-ray vision and all that when Solovar can give us super gorilla strength?"
Will Super Gorilla Strength be Enough to Stop the Baathists?
Other members of the Defense Department have been less sure of the future. One senior Pentagon official complained that while Light Ray's ability to fly is a net positive to the coalition, "he doesn't bring much else to the table besides his boyish charm. I'd be a lot happier with Super Man on my flank." Other officials have pointed out other deficiencies in the newer Super Friends abilities: "Take the new Green Lantern - he has to recharge his green lantern power every twenty-four hours; and he can't do that without the Guardians; and who the hell knows what those guys are thinking." The Guardians have been guarded about their continued participation.
The Guardians: Their Pull Out Could Have a Domino Effect
Negotiations with the Justic League have been difficult. "Every time we start winning a point, one of the Wonder Twins turns into a wave and gets us all wet - we have to redo all the paper work; and we've taken to keeping extra mops handy. The other one turns into a bear or something and we have to shoot it with a tranqualizer. This is rough."
Despite these set backs, the President has remained up-beat. "We will have the support of a large array of super-heroes. And if not all of our friends who we're usually friendly with in the Justice League are not going to help in the war, then their there and we're here, you know? So, resolve is what must . . . we . . . to win we're resolute."
