Saturday, October 09, 2004
BUSH'S ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEM
By Stockton
Last night's debate did prove one thing: President Bush has a serious anger management problem. LB in '04 contacted the world's most eminent anger expert and got this exclusive telephone interview.
LB: Mr. Simpson, thank you for speaking with us.
Simpson: Yeh, no problem. I needed a break from finding Nicole's killer anyways.
LB: You seem to spend a lot of time on golf courses?
Simpson: That because we have reason to believe Nicole's killer is an avid golfer.
LB: That sounds about right. Now, what did you see last night during the debate?
Simpson: I saw a man, Bush, besieged. I saw a man that loves his country. He loves it so much that it drives him crazy sometimes.
LB: Do you think the country is in any immediate danger from being loved by the President?
Simpson: I don't think he'd hurt the country, not intentionally. Not even if he came to his country's house one night and saw his country with another man 'cause he might find out later that the man was just returning the country's glasses or something.
LB: What?
Simpson: Sometimes things get to a man. What I saw last night was pressure on the man, Bush. He takes heat from all sides. Some don't like the fact that he's not the same race as his country. Then he sees his country with someone of the same race....it gets a guy angry.
LB: Do you want your lawyer here?
Simpson: Fuck you, man. It's called double jeopardy (background: "Put it down, OJ, put that...inaudible...down!".
LB: Do you suspect he's angry at home?
Simpson: Hell yeh, you bet your....I mean, probably somewhat angry. You always hurt the one's you love, man. (background: "Get your ass back in....inaudible...bitch!") He can deal with it, though. He must know some good lawyers.
LB: Any advice on how to deal with that anger?
Simpson: I don't know nothing 'bout that. I have a friend though, and he says sometimes you just gotta get it out of your system. You know, just blow up and get rid of that shit. It eats you up man and it's eating Bush up right now. He got that tale blond bitch nagging him about Iraq and the economy, seeing other people and he just loves that guy so much it hurts man, it hurts...
LB: Mr. Simpson...
Simpson: And Bush's movie career aint getting nowhere, bills piling up and his first wife breathing down his neck about the kids and Kerry's friend living in the guesthouse...
LB: Mr. Simpson....
Simpson: Not paying rent and all that shit just...
LB: click.
Simpson: Just piles up man...shit yeh, he's angry. Kerry didn't win no Heisman man....
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By Stockton
Last night's debate did prove one thing: President Bush has a serious anger management problem. LB in '04 contacted the world's most eminent anger expert and got this exclusive telephone interview.
LB: Mr. Simpson, thank you for speaking with us.
Simpson: Yeh, no problem. I needed a break from finding Nicole's killer anyways.
LB: You seem to spend a lot of time on golf courses?
Simpson: That because we have reason to believe Nicole's killer is an avid golfer.
LB: That sounds about right. Now, what did you see last night during the debate?
Simpson: I saw a man, Bush, besieged. I saw a man that loves his country. He loves it so much that it drives him crazy sometimes.
LB: Do you think the country is in any immediate danger from being loved by the President?
Simpson: I don't think he'd hurt the country, not intentionally. Not even if he came to his country's house one night and saw his country with another man 'cause he might find out later that the man was just returning the country's glasses or something.
LB: What?
Simpson: Sometimes things get to a man. What I saw last night was pressure on the man, Bush. He takes heat from all sides. Some don't like the fact that he's not the same race as his country. Then he sees his country with someone of the same race....it gets a guy angry.
LB: Do you want your lawyer here?
Simpson: Fuck you, man. It's called double jeopardy (background: "Put it down, OJ, put that...inaudible...down!".
LB: Do you suspect he's angry at home?
Simpson: Hell yeh, you bet your....I mean, probably somewhat angry. You always hurt the one's you love, man. (background: "Get your ass back in....inaudible...bitch!") He can deal with it, though. He must know some good lawyers.
LB: Any advice on how to deal with that anger?
Simpson: I don't know nothing 'bout that. I have a friend though, and he says sometimes you just gotta get it out of your system. You know, just blow up and get rid of that shit. It eats you up man and it's eating Bush up right now. He got that tale blond bitch nagging him about Iraq and the economy, seeing other people and he just loves that guy so much it hurts man, it hurts...
LB: Mr. Simpson...
Simpson: And Bush's movie career aint getting nowhere, bills piling up and his first wife breathing down his neck about the kids and Kerry's friend living in the guesthouse...
LB: Mr. Simpson....
Simpson: Not paying rent and all that shit just...
LB: click.
Simpson: Just piles up man...shit yeh, he's angry. Kerry didn't win no Heisman man....
