Thursday, April 22, 2004
GOD DENIES SPEAKING WITH BUSH
Exclusive from I.L. Newcombe
In a damaging statement released in an exclusive Lickin' Bush interview, God, creator of the universe, denied ever speaking with George W. Bush, about anything.
"To be honest," said the Supreme Diety, "I wouldn't know the guy if I struck him dead with lightening."
God's statement is particularly damaging to Bush's credibility because polls show that more people trust God than any politician, including President Bush.
"Listen," said one Republican spokesperson eager to downplay God's statement, "if it's a pissing match on honesty between God and George Bush, I don't think God's winning that one."
Asked if he didn't know that George Bush was President of the United States, God laughed. "I've taken two vacations in the last 17,000 years. The first was when Ruth was sent to the Yankees. The last was in November of 2000. Gabriel told me about Bush and I didn't think he'd have a prayer at winning. Since then, I've been hanging in Europe more often."
To clarify, God said this, "I do not know Mr. Bush, I have never met him or spoken with him. If he says differently, he is mistaken or lying."
Political Pundints are mixed about how this will affect President Bush. "He did tell us he was following God's commands when he invaded Iraq and pledged to transform the Mideast," said one clown. "That appears to be a lie."
"Bill Clinton got a blow job," replied a conservative pundit.
God expressed doubts about the final outcome in the Middle East. "Democracy and Stability? Jesus, I doubt it. I've been in this business a long time and those fuckers in the Middle East are fucking crazy. Fire, brimstone, floods, plagues, locust....I sent friggin locust one time....and nothing."
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Exclusive from I.L. Newcombe
In a damaging statement released in an exclusive Lickin' Bush interview, God, creator of the universe, denied ever speaking with George W. Bush, about anything.
"To be honest," said the Supreme Diety, "I wouldn't know the guy if I struck him dead with lightening."
God's statement is particularly damaging to Bush's credibility because polls show that more people trust God than any politician, including President Bush.
"Listen," said one Republican spokesperson eager to downplay God's statement, "if it's a pissing match on honesty between God and George Bush, I don't think God's winning that one."
Asked if he didn't know that George Bush was President of the United States, God laughed. "I've taken two vacations in the last 17,000 years. The first was when Ruth was sent to the Yankees. The last was in November of 2000. Gabriel told me about Bush and I didn't think he'd have a prayer at winning. Since then, I've been hanging in Europe more often."
To clarify, God said this, "I do not know Mr. Bush, I have never met him or spoken with him. If he says differently, he is mistaken or lying."
Political Pundints are mixed about how this will affect President Bush. "He did tell us he was following God's commands when he invaded Iraq and pledged to transform the Mideast," said one clown. "That appears to be a lie."
"Bill Clinton got a blow job," replied a conservative pundit.
God expressed doubts about the final outcome in the Middle East. "Democracy and Stability? Jesus, I doubt it. I've been in this business a long time and those fuckers in the Middle East are fucking crazy. Fire, brimstone, floods, plagues, locust....I sent friggin locust one time....and nothing."
