Friday, April 16, 2004
GOVERNOR SHUNS POLITICAL ALLY FOR DRINK
By Stockton
In a move viewed by many as a sea-change in Colorado politics, Colorado Governor Bill Owens withdrew his endorsement of Congressman Bob Schaffer as a candidate for the United States Senate stating "Allsh I . . . gosh tuh shay. . . is. . . she here tuday?. . Huh. . . wus shahampfe. . . . ."
Aides to the Governor noted to reporters that Governor Owens had not changed his opinion of Congressman Schaffer. Rather, "He simply wanted to spend more time with beer."
Rumor coursed through the Rocky Mountains that rival republican candidate for the Senate seat, A Can of Beer, had secretly allowed Governor Owens to imbibe of itself. The Governor's aides tried to dispell any such rumors noting that the Governor's liquor cabinet is well stocked and includes a keg, which is refilled every week. Governor Owens will enter Boulder General Hospital next Monday for a radical repair of his rapidly deteriorating spine.
In related news, Can of Beer began its advertising campaign on a Family Values note, promising all 21 year-old males that if elected, Can of Beer would provide each with two well endowed women who know little more than their names.
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By Stockton
In a move viewed by many as a sea-change in Colorado politics, Colorado Governor Bill Owens withdrew his endorsement of Congressman Bob Schaffer as a candidate for the United States Senate stating "Allsh I . . . gosh tuh shay. . . is. . . she here tuday?. . Huh. . . wus shahampfe. . . . ."
Aides to the Governor noted to reporters that Governor Owens had not changed his opinion of Congressman Schaffer. Rather, "He simply wanted to spend more time with beer."
Rumor coursed through the Rocky Mountains that rival republican candidate for the Senate seat, A Can of Beer, had secretly allowed Governor Owens to imbibe of itself. The Governor's aides tried to dispell any such rumors noting that the Governor's liquor cabinet is well stocked and includes a keg, which is refilled every week. Governor Owens will enter Boulder General Hospital next Monday for a radical repair of his rapidly deteriorating spine.
In related news, Can of Beer began its advertising campaign on a Family Values note, promising all 21 year-old males that if elected, Can of Beer would provide each with two well endowed women who know little more than their names.
