Friday, April 09, 2004
SCALIA EXEMPTS SELF FROM FIRST AMENDMENT
By Stockton
Justice Antonin Scalia, reputed hunter and strict constructionist, has exempted himself from the first amendment of the Constitution. Defending his off-the-bench ruling, Scalia, a/k/a the "King-Maker", stated, during a conversation with reporters at the Bada Bing night club in suburban New Jersey, that "the words 'Antonin Scalia' do not appear in the Constitution, and so, ipso facto, bada boom, bada bing, I am exempt from its provisions."
When pressed, Scalia referred reporters to his cousin Joey "Two Fingers," who offerred to escort the reporters from premises or remove their genitalia with a rusty spoon.
Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from an undisclosed secure location, which he is not allowed to leave, publicly supported Scalia, adding that "The bosses of 3 of the 11 judicial capo regimes support Scalia, the others will shortly, and I don't wanna hear no more bout it."
Scalia's law clerk, Pauly Gotto, could not be found for comment.
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By Stockton
Justice Antonin Scalia, reputed hunter and strict constructionist, has exempted himself from the first amendment of the Constitution. Defending his off-the-bench ruling, Scalia, a/k/a the "King-Maker", stated, during a conversation with reporters at the Bada Bing night club in suburban New Jersey, that "the words 'Antonin Scalia' do not appear in the Constitution, and so, ipso facto, bada boom, bada bing, I am exempt from its provisions."
When pressed, Scalia referred reporters to his cousin Joey "Two Fingers," who offerred to escort the reporters from premises or remove their genitalia with a rusty spoon.
Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from an undisclosed secure location, which he is not allowed to leave, publicly supported Scalia, adding that "The bosses of 3 of the 11 judicial capo regimes support Scalia, the others will shortly, and I don't wanna hear no more bout it."
Scalia's law clerk, Pauly Gotto, could not be found for comment.
