Thursday, May 13, 2004
AHOY THERE, PREPARE TO BE BOARDED
By Tweed
Today, the Justice Department announced the end of all Civil Rights abuses. "Simply put," said Attorney General John Ashcroft, "no one is violating anyone's civil rights any longer." With all the free time on their hands, the Justice Department is now going after "sailor mongering".
That's right! The Justice Department is waging war against the crime so pernicious that it was last prosecuted 114 years ago. Justice Department employees who were not transferred to the Anti-Watching People Fuck on DVD and VHS Department are being transferred to the Sailor Mongering Unit.
"The fact that Greenpeace is the defendant is coincidental," said a Justice Department spokesperson. "You might laugh at this prosecution, but if you have ever been 'mongered', you would take it seriously."
Greenpeace members are charged with 'sailor mongering' for boarding a vessel that was illegally transporting mahogany.
A defense attorney for Greenpeace sounded confident about his clients chances. "Avast and ahoy, matey, arrggghhh, mount the mast and bring 'er round, arrgghhh."
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By Tweed
Today, the Justice Department announced the end of all Civil Rights abuses. "Simply put," said Attorney General John Ashcroft, "no one is violating anyone's civil rights any longer." With all the free time on their hands, the Justice Department is now going after "sailor mongering".
That's right! The Justice Department is waging war against the crime so pernicious that it was last prosecuted 114 years ago. Justice Department employees who were not transferred to the Anti-Watching People Fuck on DVD and VHS Department are being transferred to the Sailor Mongering Unit.
"The fact that Greenpeace is the defendant is coincidental," said a Justice Department spokesperson. "You might laugh at this prosecution, but if you have ever been 'mongered', you would take it seriously."
Greenpeace members are charged with 'sailor mongering' for boarding a vessel that was illegally transporting mahogany.
A defense attorney for Greenpeace sounded confident about his clients chances. "Avast and ahoy, matey, arrggghhh, mount the mast and bring 'er round, arrgghhh."
