Monday, May 17, 2004
HATCH MAY FACE CHALLENGE FROM THE RIGHT
By Stockton
Leftwing, crypto-communist Orrin Hatch (R-UT) may face a primary challenge from.....his right?
Yes, you heard us correctly. The rumor was reported in the Daily Fascist.
"We are currently looking for someone more conservative than Orrin Hatch," said one RNC Spokesperson. "We're tired of his leftwing sympathies."
Names floated to outflank Hatch to his right include, Genghis Khan, Grand Moff Tarkin, Pat Toomey, Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape and Virgil "The Turk" Salozzo.
If that wasn't enough, Toomey sycophants have claimed the following:
"Yes," said a NOW Spokesperson and Santorum supporter, "when the history of the Pro-Choice Movement is written, Rick Santorum will be the obvious hero. Him and Jesse Helms."
RNC Chairman Mark Racicot defended his right-wing brethren. "The GOP is a big tent party. A huuuuuge tent in fact! Like one of those really big circus tents. And those little cars pull up *** and like 20 or 30 clowns pile out. But, there is simply no room for guys like Santorum and Hatch. Those two are so outside of the mainstream that they have no place at the GOP table."
***Bush-Cheney Campaign Mobile photo courtesy of Bush-Cheney Campaign.
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By Stockton
Leftwing, crypto-communist Orrin Hatch (R-UT) may face a primary challenge from.....his right?
Yes, you heard us correctly. The rumor was reported in the Daily Fascist.
In the aftermath of Arlen Specter's near defeat in the Pennsylvania primary by challenger Rep. Pat Toomey, conservatives in Washington have begun looking at Hatch as a good target in 2006 for a primary challenge in far more conservative Utah. Like Specter, Hatch clears general elections, but has in the past thinly fended off Republican challengers.
"We are currently looking for someone more conservative than Orrin Hatch," said one RNC Spokesperson. "We're tired of his leftwing sympathies."
Names floated to outflank Hatch to his right include, Genghis Khan, Grand Moff Tarkin, Pat Toomey, Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape and Virgil "The Turk" Salozzo.
If that wasn't enough, Toomey sycophants have claimed the following:
With his enthusiastic endorsement of pro-choice stalwart Arlen Specter, R-Pa., pro-life champion Rick Santorum, R-Pa., has, arguably, done more for the cause of abortion rights than either Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., Tom Daschle, D-S.D., or John Kerry, D-Mass., will ever be able to achieve.
"Yes," said a NOW Spokesperson and Santorum supporter, "when the history of the Pro-Choice Movement is written, Rick Santorum will be the obvious hero. Him and Jesse Helms."
RNC Chairman Mark Racicot defended his right-wing brethren. "The GOP is a big tent party. A huuuuuge tent in fact! Like one of those really big circus tents. And those little cars pull up *** and like 20 or 30 clowns pile out. But, there is simply no room for guys like Santorum and Hatch. Those two are so outside of the mainstream that they have no place at the GOP table."
***Bush-Cheney Campaign Mobile photo courtesy of Bush-Cheney Campaign.
