Wednesday, May 19, 2004
HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED, MISSING
By Tweed
HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED campaign officials have announced that their candidate is missing. HWMNBN met today with serious Presidential candidate John Kerry.
"That was hours ago," said one wide-eyed idealist. "The senator left about an hour ago, but we can't find Mr. -----. It's weird."
One hour after the meeting began, witnesses saw four Kerry campaign officials carrying a long, heavy plastic bag to a campaign vehicle. The vehicle then sped away.
"It was just refuse," said one Kerry advisor. "Pain-in-the-ass, spoiler refuse. If we kept it around it would mean four more years of Bush."
A -----aide was suspicious. "I've just never seen anyone take a mallet to a garbage bag full of refuse."
-----campaign workers plan an all-night vigil to await the return of their candidate.
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By Tweed
HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED campaign officials have announced that their candidate is missing. HWMNBN met today with serious Presidential candidate John Kerry.
"That was hours ago," said one wide-eyed idealist. "The senator left about an hour ago, but we can't find Mr. -----. It's weird."
One hour after the meeting began, witnesses saw four Kerry campaign officials carrying a long, heavy plastic bag to a campaign vehicle. The vehicle then sped away.
"It was just refuse," said one Kerry advisor. "Pain-in-the-ass, spoiler refuse. If we kept it around it would mean four more years of Bush."
A -----aide was suspicious. "I've just never seen anyone take a mallet to a garbage bag full of refuse."
-----campaign workers plan an all-night vigil to await the return of their candidate.
