Monday, May 17, 2004
THE WORLD IS ENDING
By Stockton
Ignoring earthquakes, hurricanes, tornados and other signs of Armageddon, Massachusetts performed its first Gay Marriage.
Amid hail stones the size of basketballs and torrents of falling toads, gay couples scrambled to town halls all over the Bay State (no doubt rightwing wits will re-christen MA as the Gay State, hahaha)to commit blatant acts of commitment.
"I don't like it one bit," said Taunton resident Peter Dunwich. "A little girl-on-girl action in a movie is one thing. But a loving, committed relationship? That's just disgusting."
Plymouth Pastor Lawrence Mather noted that repercussions had already started. "Because of this, the Lord has visited upon Virginia, a plague of locust." Mather was, of course, referring to the 17 year Cicada infestation currently underway in Virginia." Why the geographic discrepancy? "Because," said Mather, "God was so pissed, his aim was off."
Leslie Endicott of Springfield was distraught. "I've been married to the same lovely man for thirty-eight years. Now, I'm on my way to see a divorce attorney because my marriage doesn't mean anything anymore."
A North Adams Councilman was equally disturbed. "I've been married four times," said the councilman. "Now all those marriages are a mockery."
No resident of Provincetown, MA could be found for comment.
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By Stockton
Ignoring earthquakes, hurricanes, tornados and other signs of Armageddon, Massachusetts performed its first Gay Marriage.
Amid hail stones the size of basketballs and torrents of falling toads, gay couples scrambled to town halls all over the Bay State (no doubt rightwing wits will re-christen MA as the Gay State, hahaha)to commit blatant acts of commitment.
"I don't like it one bit," said Taunton resident Peter Dunwich. "A little girl-on-girl action in a movie is one thing. But a loving, committed relationship? That's just disgusting."
Plymouth Pastor Lawrence Mather noted that repercussions had already started. "Because of this, the Lord has visited upon Virginia, a plague of locust." Mather was, of course, referring to the 17 year Cicada infestation currently underway in Virginia." Why the geographic discrepancy? "Because," said Mather, "God was so pissed, his aim was off."
Leslie Endicott of Springfield was distraught. "I've been married to the same lovely man for thirty-eight years. Now, I'm on my way to see a divorce attorney because my marriage doesn't mean anything anymore."
A North Adams Councilman was equally disturbed. "I've been married four times," said the councilman. "Now all those marriages are a mockery."
No resident of Provincetown, MA could be found for comment.
