Monday, June 28, 2004
THE NEW IRAQI SOVEREIGNTY: HOW MUCH SOVEREIGNTINESS FOR THE NEWLY SOVEREIGNED?
An LB in 04 Special Report
Now that the US has avoided any untidy transition terrorist attacks by handing "sovereignty" off to the Iraqis in Iraq a few days early, we at LB in 04 began to ask ourselves just how much sovereigntiness is being granted to the newly sovereigned sovereignty of sovereign, . . . I mean, Iraq?
LB in 04 editors Stockton and Tweed spent portions of their weekend (downtime from internet porn) reviewing the complicated protocols to determine the answer to this vexing question. After being prevailed upon by LB contributors, Stockton and Tweed agreed to allow for their internal report to be published:
The Extent of Sovereigness of the Newly Sovereigned Sovereignty of Iraq:
1. Members of the Iraqi governing legislative body, but not members of any local or administrative body, may use the restrooms without first asking permission.
2. All US personnel will be accorded the same respect and reverence accorded Muhammad.
3. No talking in line, unless permission is given by US military personnel holding the rank of PFC or higher.
4. Three statues of President Bush or his father for every two statues for an Iraqi.
5. Sleepovers are permitted, but everyone must be in bed with the lights out by 11 p.m.
6. I don't know whether you "can" go to the bathroom, but, if you ask, I will let you know whether you "may."
7. From now on, every man will wear their underwear on the outside.
8. If it bends, its funny; if it breaks - not funny.
9. I'm hungry.
10. Let's go back to www.bigknockers.com.
11. I'd prefer www.cheesesoftheworld.com.
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An LB in 04 Special Report
Now that the US has avoided any untidy transition terrorist attacks by handing "sovereignty" off to the Iraqis in Iraq a few days early, we at LB in 04 began to ask ourselves just how much sovereigntiness is being granted to the newly sovereigned sovereignty of sovereign, . . . I mean, Iraq?
LB in 04 editors Stockton and Tweed spent portions of their weekend (downtime from internet porn) reviewing the complicated protocols to determine the answer to this vexing question. After being prevailed upon by LB contributors, Stockton and Tweed agreed to allow for their internal report to be published:
The Extent of Sovereigness of the Newly Sovereigned Sovereignty of Iraq:
1. Members of the Iraqi governing legislative body, but not members of any local or administrative body, may use the restrooms without first asking permission.
2. All US personnel will be accorded the same respect and reverence accorded Muhammad.
3. No talking in line, unless permission is given by US military personnel holding the rank of PFC or higher.
4. Three statues of President Bush or his father for every two statues for an Iraqi.
5. Sleepovers are permitted, but everyone must be in bed with the lights out by 11 p.m.
6. I don't know whether you "can" go to the bathroom, but, if you ask, I will let you know whether you "may."
7. From now on, every man will wear their underwear on the outside.
8. If it bends, its funny; if it breaks - not funny.
9. I'm hungry.
10. Let's go back to www.bigknockers.com.
11. I'd prefer www.cheesesoftheworld.com.
