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Thursday, June 17, 2004

THIRD TIME'S A CHARM?
By Tweed

Serial husband Rush Limbaugh has violated the Biblical prohibition against divorce. On Friday, June 11, 2004, the Family Values talk show host announced he and his wife of ten years would be filing for divorce. It will be Mr. Limbaugh's third divorce.

Marta Limbaugh was bursting with joy when we caught up with her. "It's like hearing the Parole Board has approved you for early release," said the excited Marta. "He was always a bit obnoxious, but when he became clean and sober, it was unbearable."

The soon to be ex-Mrs. Limbaugh was more than willing to share details of their intimate lives. "Everytime we got ready for marital relations, he'd go into his radio voice and say things like, 'get ready for the EIB (Excellence in Bed) network.' Please! Five minutes later I'd be in the bathroom dumping his dope into the toilet and reaching for my vibrator."

Mr. Limbaugh declined to comment, saying he had to meet with his ex-housekeeper behind Blimpie's.
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