Monday, July 26, 2004
GOP APPEALS TO BLACK VOTERS
By Stockton
The GOP "Big Tent" has just gotten bigger as President Bush appeals for the votes of African Americans.
"It's a natural fit," said RNC Chair Ed Gillespie. "Blacks tend to revel in low self-esteem and they like to feel like victims. What better home can they have than today's Republican Party?" Although they'll accept any votes, Gillespie pointed out that the party would prefer light-skinned blacks.
"It's just a matter of aesthetics," said Gillespie. "Condi and Colin are light-skinned. A real dark face, you know, like coal black, could screw everything up. We are making a real push for the black vote, though, if they're well behaved. Basically, we're looking for 1950's blacks. Nothing too uppitty."
The Republican push for black votes will begin at the Republican National Convention when the GOP unveils its new mascot, "Cracky the Kwanzaa Crack Pipe."
Other initiatives will include trotting out Strom Thurmond's illegitimate black daughter. They party also has plans for a nationwide bus tour that will feature Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Vice-President Dick Cheney and Attorney General John Ashcroft. The four men will hit African American neighborhoods for a series of chicken and watermelon dinners.
Rumsfeld, Cheney Wolfowitz & Ashcroft to campaign in the "Hood"
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By Stockton
The GOP "Big Tent" has just gotten bigger as President Bush appeals for the votes of African Americans.
"It's a natural fit," said RNC Chair Ed Gillespie. "Blacks tend to revel in low self-esteem and they like to feel like victims. What better home can they have than today's Republican Party?" Although they'll accept any votes, Gillespie pointed out that the party would prefer light-skinned blacks.
"It's just a matter of aesthetics," said Gillespie. "Condi and Colin are light-skinned. A real dark face, you know, like coal black, could screw everything up. We are making a real push for the black vote, though, if they're well behaved. Basically, we're looking for 1950's blacks. Nothing too uppitty."
The Republican push for black votes will begin at the Republican National Convention when the GOP unveils its new mascot, "Cracky the Kwanzaa Crack Pipe."
Other initiatives will include trotting out Strom Thurmond's illegitimate black daughter. They party also has plans for a nationwide bus tour that will feature Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Vice-President Dick Cheney and Attorney General John Ashcroft. The four men will hit African American neighborhoods for a series of chicken and watermelon dinners.
Rumsfeld, Cheney Wolfowitz & Ashcroft to campaign in the "Hood"
