Thursday, July 29, 2004
WILL SOFTER DICK ATTRACT WOMEN?
By Tweed
After a barrage of criticism for his calling out a 7th grader for a backstreet brawl, and facing a debate with the young, handsome and charismatic John Edwards, Vice President Cheney is trying to show a more human side to his personality. Campaign officials hope that Cheney's attempt at softening his image will not only raise his popularity, but make inroads into the women's vote, a traditional Democratic constituency.
Vice President Cheney show-cased his new image at a press conference in Charwell, OH during a campaign stop. "I just flew in from Peoria, and boy are my arms tired wait for laugh," Cheney told a crowd of blue collar workers. "What's the matter," asked the Vice President leaving the text of his script when he received only a few snickers and scattered claps, "don't you bastards have a sense of humor."
Cheney had planned on shocking some ordinary voters with a hand-buzzer. "It didn't quite work," said Joseph Farnsworther, a republican consultant to Cheney's campaign team, "I guess the novelty item was . . . well . . . a novelty to the Vice President. He just handed the guy the hand buzzer."
Cheney Missplays the Old Hand Buzzer Gag
Nevertheless, aides say that the Vice President's attempts have had some success. "We definitely got the sense that the audience was less scared of him than they usually are," said Farnsworther. "And when he walked through the rose garden, not all the flowers wilted and died." Still, even Farnsworth acknowledged that there is room for improvement.
Cheney Explaining Exactly Why
the Chicken Crossed the Road
"Look," said Farnsworth, "we're working hard, he's working hard; but we all have to remember that we don't have a lot of raw material to work with. This is a painful transformation. His smile muscles have atrophied and it might take awhile. And let's face it, he's a mean old son-of-a-bitch to begin with."
Cheney Working on
His Smile with Aides
Cheney isn't just telling jokes to soften his image. He's stopped kicking puppies in front of reporters, eats his steak cooked rather than raw and has temporarily ceased his weekly formaldehyde injections. The biggest change of all might be cosmetic. Long considered the Bela Lugosi of American politics, Cheney plans on wearing more pastels, tuning in to Dr. Phil and donning some rouge before television appearances. Cheney has also taken to sleeping above ground during the night and is being gradually reintroduced to sunlight.
How much sunlight can Cheney be exposed
to before November 2? That's the question
weighing on the Bush-Cheney campaign.
|
By Tweed
After a barrage of criticism for his calling out a 7th grader for a backstreet brawl, and facing a debate with the young, handsome and charismatic John Edwards, Vice President Cheney is trying to show a more human side to his personality. Campaign officials hope that Cheney's attempt at softening his image will not only raise his popularity, but make inroads into the women's vote, a traditional Democratic constituency.
Vice President Cheney show-cased his new image at a press conference in Charwell, OH during a campaign stop. "I just flew in from Peoria, and boy are my arms tired wait for laugh," Cheney told a crowd of blue collar workers. "What's the matter," asked the Vice President leaving the text of his script when he received only a few snickers and scattered claps, "don't you bastards have a sense of humor."
Cheney had planned on shocking some ordinary voters with a hand-buzzer. "It didn't quite work," said Joseph Farnsworther, a republican consultant to Cheney's campaign team, "I guess the novelty item was . . . well . . . a novelty to the Vice President. He just handed the guy the hand buzzer."
Cheney Missplays the Old Hand Buzzer Gag
Nevertheless, aides say that the Vice President's attempts have had some success. "We definitely got the sense that the audience was less scared of him than they usually are," said Farnsworther. "And when he walked through the rose garden, not all the flowers wilted and died." Still, even Farnsworth acknowledged that there is room for improvement.
Cheney Explaining Exactly Why
the Chicken Crossed the Road
"Look," said Farnsworth, "we're working hard, he's working hard; but we all have to remember that we don't have a lot of raw material to work with. This is a painful transformation. His smile muscles have atrophied and it might take awhile. And let's face it, he's a mean old son-of-a-bitch to begin with."
Cheney Working on
His Smile with Aides
Cheney isn't just telling jokes to soften his image. He's stopped kicking puppies in front of reporters, eats his steak cooked rather than raw and has temporarily ceased his weekly formaldehyde injections. The biggest change of all might be cosmetic. Long considered the Bela Lugosi of American politics, Cheney plans on wearing more pastels, tuning in to Dr. Phil and donning some rouge before television appearances. Cheney has also taken to sleeping above ground during the night and is being gradually reintroduced to sunlight.
How much sunlight can Cheney be exposed
to before November 2? That's the question
weighing on the Bush-Cheney campaign.
