Friday, August 20, 2004
RETARDS FOR TRUTH
By Stockton
A new '527' group calling itself Retards for Truth will be joining the ad wars next week. The group claims to have evidence that President Bush's mental retardation was self-inflicted.
"We're sick and tired of the President campaigning as if he were born retarded," said the group's founder, Emil Torgenson. "We were borned this way and can't help it."
Retards for Truth decries Bush's attitude of reveling in ignorance and the President's complete lack of intellectual curiosity.
"If I were borned into a rich family and had all those opportunities, I wouldn't be proud of acting retarded," said one member of RFT. "He wears his retardation like a badge of honor. We have no choice but to live with it."
The group claims to have evidence that Bush, early in his life, showed signs of light to moderate brain functioning. After receiving a B+ on a test, Bush was ridiculed by his Texas school chums. Vowing to never be out-retarded again, Bush continuously banged his head against a brick wall until he passed out. When he awoke three weeks later, his New Englandiness was completely gone and the future President was a proud Texan.
The Bush campaign laughed at the allegation. "If anyone was born retarded," said campaign spokesman Michael Dowd, "it was this Commander-in-Chief."
Was this vacant gaze 'self-inflicted'?
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By Stockton
A new '527' group calling itself Retards for Truth will be joining the ad wars next week. The group claims to have evidence that President Bush's mental retardation was self-inflicted.
"We're sick and tired of the President campaigning as if he were born retarded," said the group's founder, Emil Torgenson. "We were borned this way and can't help it."
Retards for Truth decries Bush's attitude of reveling in ignorance and the President's complete lack of intellectual curiosity.
"If I were borned into a rich family and had all those opportunities, I wouldn't be proud of acting retarded," said one member of RFT. "He wears his retardation like a badge of honor. We have no choice but to live with it."
The group claims to have evidence that Bush, early in his life, showed signs of light to moderate brain functioning. After receiving a B+ on a test, Bush was ridiculed by his Texas school chums. Vowing to never be out-retarded again, Bush continuously banged his head against a brick wall until he passed out. When he awoke three weeks later, his New Englandiness was completely gone and the future President was a proud Texan.
The Bush campaign laughed at the allegation. "If anyone was born retarded," said campaign spokesman Michael Dowd, "it was this Commander-in-Chief."
Was this vacant gaze 'self-inflicted'?
