Tuesday, September 07, 2004
BUSH EXPLAINS GUARD ABSENCE
By Stockton
With intense media pressure mounting, President Bush held a press conference to finally explain those missing thirteen months in his Air National Guard records. The press conference lasted four minutes and no questions were allowed.
President Bush explained that one night in April of '72, he and two friends had gone into Tuscahatchieloosanatchez Swamp to down some jet engine fuel. "We were out of the good stuff," explained the president.
"There was a sudden, bright light. I blacked out. When I woke, I was strapped to a gurney being poked and prodded by these little bug-eyed men. I call them hemispheric 'cause they're from the atmosphere. They drew some blood. I got a fingerwave. Then they dropped me back off in the swamp."
President explains Guard absence
The only thing the "aliens" told President Bush was, "If you don't hear from us in two weeks, go ahead and marry Laura."
The President went on to explain that while only two hours passed for him on the 'Mothership', thirteen months passed on Earth. "So that so-called gap....it's about two hours."
The President hopes the explanation will finally put an end to the nasty attacks calling his honor and service to his country into questions. "I was, and still am, proud to have been grounded by the Air National Guard."
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By Stockton
With intense media pressure mounting, President Bush held a press conference to finally explain those missing thirteen months in his Air National Guard records. The press conference lasted four minutes and no questions were allowed.
President Bush explained that one night in April of '72, he and two friends had gone into Tuscahatchieloosanatchez Swamp to down some jet engine fuel. "We were out of the good stuff," explained the president.
"There was a sudden, bright light. I blacked out. When I woke, I was strapped to a gurney being poked and prodded by these little bug-eyed men. I call them hemispheric 'cause they're from the atmosphere. They drew some blood. I got a fingerwave. Then they dropped me back off in the swamp."
The only thing the "aliens" told President Bush was, "If you don't hear from us in two weeks, go ahead and marry Laura."
The President went on to explain that while only two hours passed for him on the 'Mothership', thirteen months passed on Earth. "So that so-called gap....it's about two hours."
The President hopes the explanation will finally put an end to the nasty attacks calling his honor and service to his country into questions. "I was, and still am, proud to have been grounded by the Air National Guard."
