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Monday, September 27, 2004

CHENEY WARNS "GOD IS AGAINST KERRY"
By Tweed

Vice Presidient Dick Cheney stepped up his attacks on Senator John Kerry today in a visit to the Pacific Northwest swing state of Washington. "We've got to recognize that in electing John Kerry, we may be going against God's will," said the Vice President. "Now, today, we've received reports that Mount St. Helens is again active; that can only mean that God has seen some recent polling in Washington and is disappointed that so many people support Kerry."


Cheney Campaigning in Washington

Scientists immediately disputed those claims, noting that the increased activity at Mount St. Helens was due to a series of recent small earthquakes. This information was available to Cheney before his comments.

Cheney went so far as to claim that electing John Kerry might result in the triggering of all of the Pacific basin "Ring of Fire" volvanos, which includes volcanos in the Cascade Mountains, Alaska and eastern Asia. Such an event would have tremendous destructive force, triggering tidal waves, massive fires and ash displacement that could block out the sun for much of the northern hemisphere for a month. "You know you're voting for the wrong guy if that's what his election will mean," said Cheney.

The Bush campaign responded to the immediate criticism levied by the Kerry campaign: "The Vice President's words were taken out of context," said a campaign spokesperson, "he was just trying to point out the importance of this election."

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