Thursday, September 23, 2004
CONFUSION OVER CAT STEVENS
By Tweed
Confussion ruled the day yesterday as airline and Federal officials tried to figure out why singer-songwriter Cat Stevens, now Yusef Islam, was on a no-fly list and why, being on such list, he was allowed to board a United Airlines flight to the United States.
"We followed all the procedures," said UA spokeswoman, Flora Markham, "his name was not on the list. Besides, I'm a huge fan."
"It doesn't matter whether some employee is a fan," said Attorney General John Ashcroft today, "if he's on the list, he has to be stopped from terrorizing the nation, but I have to admit that "Bitter Blue" is pretty good."
Confussion was heightened when the Justice Department released its initial justification for excluding Mr. Islam. In a printed report, the Justice Department seemed to claim that the reason for his being on the list was that "I Think I See the Light," from Mona Bone Jakon, played backwards sounds like "Bush Sucks." That justification was retracted, however, and in its place was placed a similar claim, but this time with respect to Don McLean's "Homeless Brother" from his album of the same name. Shortly after the change, Mr. Islam was taken off of the list and replaced by Don McClean.
Sinner? Or Just Sinfully Good Songwriting?
But the Justice Department reversed itself again, claiming this time that Cat Stevens songs "Peacetrain," "Changes IV" and "Ruby Love," all from Teaser and the Firecat, contained secret lyrics directing Islamic fundamentalists to bomb Midland, Texas. That claim was also retracted and replaced finally with the assertion, by a Justice Department spokesman, that Mr. Islam was off the list and replaced, with either Jim Croce or Bill Withers - "whoever did that Time in the Bottle crap. The president can't stand that crap."
But even this claim left investigative journalist Dan Brothers confused. "Look, we know the FBI has been investigating Croce for unauthorized Frank Zappa impersonations. Now we find out he's on or not on this list - I'm confused, but "Father and Son", on Tea for the Tillerman - that song just brings me to tears everytime. . . I Love You Dad!"
Critics of the administration were also quick to jump on the story, noting that it was cirtually impossible to confuse Croce with Bill Withers. "I don't care if you're from Midland, Texas," said Democratic Senator Christopher Dodd of Connecticut, "there is simply no way you could mistake Bill Withers for Jim Croce - unless you're deaf. The FBI and Justice Department have to start being more forthcoming with their excuses. I think Aschcroft should spend some time with Numbers - a great album, especially "Home" and "Drywood.""
Croce? Or Frank Zappa Impersonator? The FBI Will Find Out.
The Justice Department refused to answer questions about Senator Dodd's comments or Mr. Brother's comments, although Justice Department spokesman, Scott Marniman noted that he had lobbied his wife hard to have "How Can I Tell You," from Teaser and the Firecat as their wedding song, but relented on Billy Joel's "I Love You Just the Way You Are."
He also released the following picture of Bill Withers and asked all Americans to report any sightings of him to the nearest law enforcement officer.
Wither Thou Goest, Mr. Withers?
In related news, Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Elton John, and Joni Mitchell were all reported to have hired criminal defense lawyers.
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By Tweed
Confussion ruled the day yesterday as airline and Federal officials tried to figure out why singer-songwriter Cat Stevens, now Yusef Islam, was on a no-fly list and why, being on such list, he was allowed to board a United Airlines flight to the United States.
"We followed all the procedures," said UA spokeswoman, Flora Markham, "his name was not on the list. Besides, I'm a huge fan."
"It doesn't matter whether some employee is a fan," said Attorney General John Ashcroft today, "if he's on the list, he has to be stopped from terrorizing the nation, but I have to admit that "Bitter Blue" is pretty good."
Confussion was heightened when the Justice Department released its initial justification for excluding Mr. Islam. In a printed report, the Justice Department seemed to claim that the reason for his being on the list was that "I Think I See the Light," from Mona Bone Jakon, played backwards sounds like "Bush Sucks." That justification was retracted, however, and in its place was placed a similar claim, but this time with respect to Don McLean's "Homeless Brother" from his album of the same name. Shortly after the change, Mr. Islam was taken off of the list and replaced by Don McClean.
Sinner? Or Just Sinfully Good Songwriting?
But the Justice Department reversed itself again, claiming this time that Cat Stevens songs "Peacetrain," "Changes IV" and "Ruby Love," all from Teaser and the Firecat, contained secret lyrics directing Islamic fundamentalists to bomb Midland, Texas. That claim was also retracted and replaced finally with the assertion, by a Justice Department spokesman, that Mr. Islam was off the list and replaced, with either Jim Croce or Bill Withers - "whoever did that Time in the Bottle crap. The president can't stand that crap."
But even this claim left investigative journalist Dan Brothers confused. "Look, we know the FBI has been investigating Croce for unauthorized Frank Zappa impersonations. Now we find out he's on or not on this list - I'm confused, but "Father and Son", on Tea for the Tillerman - that song just brings me to tears everytime. . . I Love You Dad!"
Critics of the administration were also quick to jump on the story, noting that it was cirtually impossible to confuse Croce with Bill Withers. "I don't care if you're from Midland, Texas," said Democratic Senator Christopher Dodd of Connecticut, "there is simply no way you could mistake Bill Withers for Jim Croce - unless you're deaf. The FBI and Justice Department have to start being more forthcoming with their excuses. I think Aschcroft should spend some time with Numbers - a great album, especially "Home" and "Drywood.""
Croce? Or Frank Zappa Impersonator? The FBI Will Find Out.
The Justice Department refused to answer questions about Senator Dodd's comments or Mr. Brother's comments, although Justice Department spokesman, Scott Marniman noted that he had lobbied his wife hard to have "How Can I Tell You," from Teaser and the Firecat as their wedding song, but relented on Billy Joel's "I Love You Just the Way You Are."
He also released the following picture of Bill Withers and asked all Americans to report any sightings of him to the nearest law enforcement officer.
Wither Thou Goest, Mr. Withers?
In related news, Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Elton John, and Joni Mitchell were all reported to have hired criminal defense lawyers.
