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Friday, September 24, 2004

TERRORISTS MAKE GROUND, PRESIDENT ADMITS
By Tweed

The Bush administration today has admitted that international terrorism has made gains in its current war with the United States. The admission comes on the heels of President Bush's speech to the United Nations, at which he chastised members for not be more pliant to his wishes, and almost immediately after Bush's condemnation of Kerry for allegedly sending "mixed messages" about the war in Iraq and the war on terrorism.

"We have to recognize reality," said Bush campaign manager Ken Melman, "we have to understand that the terrorist have won this skirmish, and that free and open elections where the issues of the day are freely and openly debated can no longer occur in the United States."

President Bush also asked Americans to bare the burden of war stoically: "Now I know that you might be resenting the facts and all, but we have to buckle down. I am forced to burden you with an extension of these tax cuts which will be paid by your children and grandchildren and children's children."

Bush also reiterated his call on Kerry to concede the election before it occured so that the war on terror would not be adversly affected by too much freedom.

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