Monday, September 06, 2004
WHERE WAS WALDO
By Stockton
President Bush is a deep, complex man. A man of mystery. There is probably no bigger a mystery than his whereabouts from May of 1972 through April of 1973, or as it is known, "The Great Hiatus".
So, where was the future President? We've compiled a list of possibilities based upon educated guesswork. This list is not exhaustive, exclusive, nor is it endorsed by the editors who disapprove of the politics of personal destruction.
1. Recuperating after being thrown from Reichenbach Falls by Dr. Moriarty;
2. Traveling in Tibet and Nepal seeking spiritual enlightenment;
3. Undergoing a top-secret mission in Hanoi;
4. Thinking of ways to explain another totaled automobile to his Father;
5. Tracking down a kilo of cocaine he thinks he bought while in an alcohol induced stupor;
6. Masturbating to pictures of Pat Nixon;
7. Sleeping it off;
8. Preparing for his Alabama Air National Guard dental exam with a team of tutors.
Help us find George!
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By Stockton
President Bush is a deep, complex man. A man of mystery. There is probably no bigger a mystery than his whereabouts from May of 1972 through April of 1973, or as it is known, "The Great Hiatus".
So, where was the future President? We've compiled a list of possibilities based upon educated guesswork. This list is not exhaustive, exclusive, nor is it endorsed by the editors who disapprove of the politics of personal destruction.
1. Recuperating after being thrown from Reichenbach Falls by Dr. Moriarty;
2. Traveling in Tibet and Nepal seeking spiritual enlightenment;
3. Undergoing a top-secret mission in Hanoi;
4. Thinking of ways to explain another totaled automobile to his Father;
5. Tracking down a kilo of cocaine he thinks he bought while in an alcohol induced stupor;
6. Masturbating to pictures of Pat Nixon;
7. Sleeping it off;
8. Preparing for his Alabama Air National Guard dental exam with a team of tutors.
