Thursday, October 14, 2004
DEBATE: BUSH BLINKING INTENTIONAL
By Stockton
As President Bush lost the third and final debate, critics speculated as to the cause of the President's incessant blinking during the bout. A wide range of theories have been voiced. Some suggest the President suffers from a type of dry-drunk dementia. Others suggest the leader of the free world suffers from a type of dry-junkie dementia. The theories, while intriguing, are wrong according to Commander Henry Perry of the USN Signalman Corp.
"He blinking code," said Commander Perry.
Perry inadvertently stumbled across his theory while watching the second debate. "My eyes began to glaze over whenever President Bush spoke. I tuned him out but was almost hypnotized by his rapid blinking."
Bush, seen here in debate prep, is not blinking
"I began to see a pattern form. I looked at my wife as said, 'Did he just say, Abort...Karl...Abort...Get...Me....Out...'? My wife said, 'No, he just said, working hard at the hard work'.
Perry ran to get a pen and some paper and began jotting down what the President was blinking. "Here it is," said Perry. "It's a bit freaky."
WHAT THE PRESIDENT WAS "BLINKING"
9:01 "Karl...moderator...not...Bernie...Shaw...where's....Bernie?"
9:02 "Is...it...over?"
9:10 "Kerry...tall...I...should...be...tall..."
9:32 "Can...you...smell...that?"
9:55 "JK...thinks...he's...so...smart"
9:57 "Edgucashun...Edgucashen"
10:02 "Can...you...smell...that?"
10:06 "Make...it...stop...Karl"
10:07 "That...was...just...a...regular....blink"
10:10 "Karl....Karen...fucking...fired"
10:18 "Farts...are...funny..."
10:20 "Me...kicked...ass"
Republicans hope that Perry's theory lays to rest any lingering doubts as to the President's mental health. Others worry that the Presidential blinking will turn off undecided voters. "I wish we could go back to the days of Bush landing on Aircraft Carriers," said Sonny Williams, a long-time Bush aid. "Those were good days."
Bush, after landing on carrier. Happier days
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By Stockton
As President Bush lost the third and final debate, critics speculated as to the cause of the President's incessant blinking during the bout. A wide range of theories have been voiced. Some suggest the President suffers from a type of dry-drunk dementia. Others suggest the leader of the free world suffers from a type of dry-junkie dementia. The theories, while intriguing, are wrong according to Commander Henry Perry of the USN Signalman Corp.
"He blinking code," said Commander Perry.
Perry inadvertently stumbled across his theory while watching the second debate. "My eyes began to glaze over whenever President Bush spoke. I tuned him out but was almost hypnotized by his rapid blinking."
Bush, seen here in debate prep, is not blinking
"I began to see a pattern form. I looked at my wife as said, 'Did he just say, Abort...Karl...Abort...Get...Me....Out...'? My wife said, 'No, he just said, working hard at the hard work'.
Perry ran to get a pen and some paper and began jotting down what the President was blinking. "Here it is," said Perry. "It's a bit freaky."
WHAT THE PRESIDENT WAS "BLINKING"
9:01 "Karl...moderator...not...Bernie...Shaw...where's....Bernie?"
9:02 "Is...it...over?"
9:10 "Kerry...tall...I...should...be...tall..."
9:32 "Can...you...smell...that?"
9:55 "JK...thinks...he's...so...smart"
9:57 "Edgucashun...Edgucashen"
10:02 "Can...you...smell...that?"
10:06 "Make...it...stop...Karl"
10:07 "That...was...just...a...regular....blink"
10:10 "Karl....Karen...fucking...fired"
10:18 "Farts...are...funny..."
10:20 "Me...kicked...ass"
Republicans hope that Perry's theory lays to rest any lingering doubts as to the President's mental health. Others worry that the Presidential blinking will turn off undecided voters. "I wish we could go back to the days of Bush landing on Aircraft Carriers," said Sonny Williams, a long-time Bush aid. "Those were good days."
