Friday, October 22, 2004
GOP ACCUSES GOD OF FLIP-FLOPPING
By Stockton
According to recent news reports, Pat Robertson, founder of the 700 Club warned President Bush there would be casualties in Iraq and that God was against the war. In response, the White House issued a statement assuring the American people that God had spoken to the President and had been for the Iraqi War. GOP officials have pounced on this controversy in the hopes of portraying God as a flip-flopper.
"Which is it?" asks Ed Gillespie, RNC Chairman. "God talks to both these men, both men are honest. It looks like God is trying to have it both ways."
"That's not the type of Diety we need," said Mitch McConnell (R-KY). "We need a man that is firm and resolute. You just can't trust this God."
McConnell is investigating possible sanctions against God for campaign finance law violations. "He's obviously on board with the Kerry campaign and that's something we'll have to look into." God is not registered as a 527.
Vice-President Cheney, on the campaign trail, has begun to openly criticize God's leadership. "He has a 12,765 year history of changing his positions. First, he wants to wipe us out in a flood, then he promises he will never do it again. He said he created the world in seven days, but not the Sun until the fourth day. How can you have days with no Sun? We're talking about a guy that had his own son executed."
God could not be reached for comment. A close friend did state that, "God would rather drive nails through his head than talk with either one of these twits."
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By Stockton
According to recent news reports, Pat Robertson, founder of the 700 Club warned President Bush there would be casualties in Iraq and that God was against the war. In response, the White House issued a statement assuring the American people that God had spoken to the President and had been for the Iraqi War. GOP officials have pounced on this controversy in the hopes of portraying God as a flip-flopper.
"Which is it?" asks Ed Gillespie, RNC Chairman. "God talks to both these men, both men are honest. It looks like God is trying to have it both ways."
"That's not the type of Diety we need," said Mitch McConnell (R-KY). "We need a man that is firm and resolute. You just can't trust this God."
McConnell is investigating possible sanctions against God for campaign finance law violations. "He's obviously on board with the Kerry campaign and that's something we'll have to look into." God is not registered as a 527.
Vice-President Cheney, on the campaign trail, has begun to openly criticize God's leadership. "He has a 12,765 year history of changing his positions. First, he wants to wipe us out in a flood, then he promises he will never do it again. He said he created the world in seven days, but not the Sun until the fourth day. How can you have days with no Sun? We're talking about a guy that had his own son executed."
God could not be reached for comment. A close friend did state that, "God would rather drive nails through his head than talk with either one of these twits."
