Thursday, November 04, 2004
CAUSE OF DEMOCRATIC DEFEAT REVEALED!
By Tweed
The editors of LB in 04' have discovered the cause of Senator Kerry's defeat at the hands of the most incompetent president since Buchanan.
The cause was revealed to Stockton and Tweed as they reviewed the results of the LB in 04' mini poll (asking readers to identify where they got their news).
"Thirty-Four percent of our readers - almost all of which are good and loyal democrats - make up their own news," noted Stockton. "This included Tweed, whose election prediction reflected his lack of understanding of the world around him. We suspect that many democrats, similarly confused, neglected to vote - or, not understanding the importance of correctly identifying their polling places, figured they could vote while pooping."
LB in 04' Reader (We Suspect Rusty)
Attempting to Vote
Surprisingly, LB in 04' readers rated LB in 04' third, behind that alleged comedian's show - the Daily Show. Bill Mahr, the angry, cursing guy, garned a measly 4 votes, sufficient to place him fourth. Some readers got their news from the back of cereal boxes and two (Stockton and Tweed) get their news from Playboy (there really are some good articles there).
In a surprising last place finish was reruns from Weekend Update.
SEE THE NEW LB IN 04' MINI POLL!
|
By Tweed
The editors of LB in 04' have discovered the cause of Senator Kerry's defeat at the hands of the most incompetent president since Buchanan.
The cause was revealed to Stockton and Tweed as they reviewed the results of the LB in 04' mini poll (asking readers to identify where they got their news).
"Thirty-Four percent of our readers - almost all of which are good and loyal democrats - make up their own news," noted Stockton. "This included Tweed, whose election prediction reflected his lack of understanding of the world around him. We suspect that many democrats, similarly confused, neglected to vote - or, not understanding the importance of correctly identifying their polling places, figured they could vote while pooping."
LB in 04' Reader (We Suspect Rusty)
Attempting to Vote
Surprisingly, LB in 04' readers rated LB in 04' third, behind that alleged comedian's show - the Daily Show. Bill Mahr, the angry, cursing guy, garned a measly 4 votes, sufficient to place him fourth. Some readers got their news from the back of cereal boxes and two (Stockton and Tweed) get their news from Playboy (there really are some good articles there).
In a surprising last place finish was reruns from Weekend Update.
SEE THE NEW LB IN 04' MINI POLL!
