Tuesday, November 30, 2004
SALVATION AND GRILLED CHEESE
By Stockton
The religious world was turned upside down earlier this month when a decade old grilled cheese sandwich was auctioned off for $28,000. Why so much? Because, according to its owner (and grilled cheese aficionado) it bears the likeness of Christ's mother, the Virgin Mary.
Upon seeing the image, Ms. Duyser immediately purchased a Subway Party Platter. "I hoped to get the Twelve Apostles," said Duyser. "But all I got was dried out turkey and greasy salami. The tuna fish was good though."
Biblical scholars are split on the authenticity of the image. Rev. H. Emmet James, of the World Church of Christ in Chedder England, is a believer. "Never forget," said Reverend James. "Mary, like her son, was a Jew. The sandwich was made in Fort Lauderdale. Coincidence? Think about it."
Pastor William Foster (Swiss Reform Church, Muenster, Indiana) was equally excited. "This is it!" Said Pastor Foster. "The end times are here! This is bigger than the time that St. Peter appeared on my oven mit."
Still, some are skeptical. Father Francis O'Malley believes it's far too early to be announcing miracles. "And why a grilled cheese?" askes the Roman Catholic priest. "A Ruben maybe, or a Monte Cristo, but grilled cheese? The real miracle is that some type of tupperware kept the sandwich mold free. Now that's truly divine."
Some agree that a woman's image is on the sandwich but differ on the woman. Other than the Virgin Mary, others see:
1- The Mona Lisa
2- Boy George
3- Cher
4- Betty Boop
5- Nora O'Donnell
6- Greta Garbo
The real question, still unanswered, is if Ms. Duyser is sincere, why is she whoring the Virgin Mary?
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By Stockton
The religious world was turned upside down earlier this month when a decade old grilled cheese sandwich was auctioned off for $28,000. Why so much? Because, according to its owner (and grilled cheese aficionado) it bears the likeness of Christ's mother, the Virgin Mary.
The seller, Fort Lauderdale, Florida resident Diana Duyser, says she made the cheese sandwich 10 years ago and after taking a bite, saw "the Virgin Mary staring back at me."
In her eBay ad, Duyser said the sandwich has been kept in a plastic case for a decade and has developed no mold or bacteria. "It is like a miracle," she said.
"I would like all people to know that I do believe that this is the Virgin Mary Mother Of God," the ad said. "That is my solemn belief, but you are free to believe that she is whomever you like, I am not scamming anyone."
Upon seeing the image, Ms. Duyser immediately purchased a Subway Party Platter. "I hoped to get the Twelve Apostles," said Duyser. "But all I got was dried out turkey and greasy salami. The tuna fish was good though."
Biblical scholars are split on the authenticity of the image. Rev. H. Emmet James, of the World Church of Christ in Chedder England, is a believer. "Never forget," said Reverend James. "Mary, like her son, was a Jew. The sandwich was made in Fort Lauderdale. Coincidence? Think about it."
Pastor William Foster (Swiss Reform Church, Muenster, Indiana) was equally excited. "This is it!" Said Pastor Foster. "The end times are here! This is bigger than the time that St. Peter appeared on my oven mit."
Still, some are skeptical. Father Francis O'Malley believes it's far too early to be announcing miracles. "And why a grilled cheese?" askes the Roman Catholic priest. "A Ruben maybe, or a Monte Cristo, but grilled cheese? The real miracle is that some type of tupperware kept the sandwich mold free. Now that's truly divine."
Some agree that a woman's image is on the sandwich but differ on the woman. Other than the Virgin Mary, others see:
1- The Mona Lisa
2- Boy George
3- Cher
4- Betty Boop
5- Nora O'Donnell
6- Greta Garbo
The real question, still unanswered, is if Ms. Duyser is sincere, why is she whoring the Virgin Mary?
