LICKIN BUSH IN'04 "WHERE WINGS TAKE DREAMS"

CINCINNATI - The walls of a church fell about 90 minutes after the last of Sunday's worshippers left, causing the roof to drop onto the pews and pulpit, officials said.

Pastor Carl McMullen and his family were the last to leave the Zion Hill Baptist Church at 1:40 p.m. Sunday and got the call about the collapse an hour and a half later. About 50 people had attended Sunday's service.

"Lord, have mercy — can you believe it?" said the pastor's wife, Debra McMullen. "It's just a blessing that no one was inside." (AP)

"We believe that God was aiming for the Planned Parenthood and Baby Killing Clinic around the corner," said Garrett Barnes, a lucky worshipper. "I guess something went wrong."

St. Albert the Great, patron saint of Cincinnati, could not be reached for comment, but St. Bernadine of Siena, patron saint of public relations, and St. Barbara, patron saint of artillery, ammunition magazines and fire, gave a joint press conference shortly after the incident. "We can neither confirm nor deny that the Church was destroyed by a Holy shot," said St. Bernadine. "We are looking into it."


St. Bernadine Preparing for
the Press Conference

"You have to understand," added St. Barbara, "that a Holy shot is a complicated task, requiring the right planning, timing and holy spirit. If any one thing goes wrong - who knows; maybe a hurricane, volcanic eruption."


St. Barbara, Sword in Hand

Neither St. Bernadine nor St. Barbara would speculate on what may have gone wrong, stating only that Heaven was "looking at all possibilities."

This last apparent misfire from the Lord has raised some concerns and renewed speculation that the United States is being punished, as some evangelicals have proclaimed. Some question the timing of such events as the Mount St. Helen's explosion, the three hurricanes that hit Florida this year and the proliferation of reality TV shows. "God is punishing us," said one worshipper in Cincinnati, "and I'm not sure for what. But I'm letting the Big Guy know the next time I pray that I voted for Kerry."


Kerry at Church Unaffected by Godly Wrath